"We're very concerned," said Superintendent Mat Cresswell, "These underground boxing clubs are growing in popularity. I'd like to show you this video we found floating around the Internet. We believe it shows a bout being held in Manchester recently. It is disturbing for many reasons. First, we have two bloodthirsty spectators watching the fight and goading the contenders to punch harder and harder. One of them shouts, "Zip! Zip!" which we believe is street slang for 'Let him have it', in the Derek Bentley sense.
"Second, the ring is a deathtrap. The fighter we have dubbed 'DangerMick' is nearly impaled on a meat-hook. The fighter we call 'The Prince of Dampness' actually punches the wall at one point, which is worrying as it is a load-bearing wall.
"Thirdly, the fight is a total mismatch. This is self-evidently dangerous. Professional boxing is heavily regulated so that fighters of vastly different abilities do not fight each other. In this video, DangerMick was lucky not to suffer massive internal injuries and external deformities. When I first saw this video, I immediately phoned local hospitals to see if they had any new patients fitting DangerMick's description.
"Fourth, and most worryingly, I worry that these fighters will take their bloodlust onto the streets. DangerMick, elated at surviving the bout, and thrilled to have landed a few lucky shots, might get drunk in Stalybridge and begin lashing out at passers-by. You've seen the video - it's not the passers-by I'm worried about."
Watch the video - click
Low-quality (if you don't have broadband)