Saturday, May 28, 2011

Making Fun of Cecile (Part Eighteen in an Infinite Series)


"Androo," whined Cecile, a French woman who had invited me to lunch but told me I had to leave after my starter because she had someone else coming. "Androo, about what can I write my next blog post?"
"Why don't you translate some Latin jokes into English?"
"That's more your thing. But I do want to write something funny. My posts are all bitterly depressing and hippyish these days."
"Tell a bad joke to some people," I said, "and then write about their reactions. Test the joke on some women. They won't laugh. That's your control group.  Then tell it to some men. Men will laugh because they want your body, and because attractive people are assumed to be funnier (and many other things)."
"That's an awful, terrible idea."
"Actually, it's an amazing idea. "
"Yes, you're right. After automatically disagreeing with you like always, I've decided you're right, like always. I wonder why I force us both to act out this charade? But what should the joke be?"
"What's yellow and invisible?"
[Not getting that I'm telling a joke.] "I don't know. What is yellow and invisible?"
[Holding up nothing in his hand:] "This banana."
[Genuinely laughing:] "AhahahaHHAHAhaha! I don't get it. Let's choose a different joke."

"Androo, what are you doing?"
"Are you taking a photo of yourself pretending to hold a banana?"
"Yes, you are. Take one of me."

SMS from Cecile: "I have been having fun with the joke project. Please send me the photo of me pretending to hold a banana."
Me, by email: "Sure. On its way."

Email from Cecile: "Andrew, this made me laugh :-). Do you think you could replace the heart with a banana? That'd be so awesome I'd have to be your friend forever."
Reply: "I'll try."

Facebook chat message from Cecile: "I said a BANANA not a freaking ANANAS. Seriously, with a banan it would be just great"
My reply: "Sorry, the Internet is out of bananas."

Cecile: "I don't believe you."

Me: "Okay, here's one with a banana:"

I waited patiently for her response so I could make a final, apocalyptic picture. None came until I got to the school. She had found out which classroom I'd be teaching in, and graffiti-ed my whiteboard.
It said, 
'BONJOUR LE CLÀSSE, Je m'appelle ANDREW ET J'aime les bananes et Le FRANCE Bien Sûr.'
Huh? It's fair to say I was perplexed, especially as I'm sure there's a lot of bad French in there.

Cecile published the first part of her side of the story. I wrote to her: "Do you still need the photo?"
She said, "Yes, if it comes with a banana."

So, here it is:



  1. Andrew, how dare you use me like that! I feel betrayed! I hate you. Why?

    1. My French teacher's reputation!
    2. If you USE me you could at least spell my name properly.
    3. I was quite satisfied with my story, it made me laugh a bit. I showed it to Nick and he smiled a lot and laughed ONCE, which was already quite an achievement for me. But then I saw yours and laughed hysterically. Nick saw me laughing so he read it as well. He laughed crazy the WHOLE WAY and when I complained about it, his answer was: "it is not my fault that Andrew is funnier than you".
    4. I had to read your stupid blog to realise that ananas was pineapple in English.
    5. I still don't have MY photo. And I'm going to sue you for using my image without my authorisation.

  2. chelsea5:32 PM

    remind me to NEVER get on your bad side.


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