Monday, May 09, 2011

A Trillion and One Ways to Score Points with Chicks (part three)

Link to Part One     Link to Part Two     Link to Part Four

16. Understand the true nature of her threats. She makes threats because she's insecure. What's the worst she can do? Carry out her threat? Great! Saves you having to dump her. Next time, date someone more mature.
* "Tell me how old you are or I'm leaving." Tsch! Ask yourself if you really want to date a spoilt little princess brat. Clue: the answer should be no. 
* "If you go to watch football instead of taking me shopping we're finished." Ptsch! It's Andorra United vs. AFC Inuit. I'm not missing that for anyone.  
* "If you want me, you can't be friends with that girl." Oops! I choose my friend. Bye!

17. If she's being a dick, call her a dick. Handy phrase: "You're being kind of a dick."
Case Study:
You can't find your phone. You suspect the girl has hidden it somewhere in your flat.
Andrew: "Have you hidden my phone?"
Girl: "Yes. I want you to focus on me."
Andrew: "That's pretty dicky. Maybe you should leave."
Girl: "What? No. I'm sorry."
Andrew: "Pissing me off all the time isn't going to get you laid."
18. Assume she likes you instead of trying to make her like you. Men worry too much about if a girl likes him. Just pretend like she does. After a while, she actually will.
Andrew: [Finishes telling awesome, hilarious story which demonstrates some of his myriad positive traits, like traveling a lot and making French girls cry and generally being the best of the best of the best.]
Girl: Giggle. So funny.
Andrew: Yeah, I can see why you like me.
19. If she hates cats, buy her a cat calender for her birthday. Note - you should be dating a cat lover anyway.

20. Make fun of her home town. She's either too provincial, or too bourgeois. "Do you have the Internet there?" "How old were you when you learned to milk a cow?" "I guess normal social conventions like bringing a bottle of wine to a guy's flat are too passe for you Paris girls."

21. Show you understand her problems by offering stark, sociopathic solutions. "Hey, Julie, remember you were telling me your boss was giving you stress? I spoke to my friend in the police and for two hundred pounds we can get him added to the Sex Offenders Register."


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