Saturday, June 11, 2011

A Trillion and One Ways to Score Points with Chicks (part four)

22. Say sowwy, not sorry. Women will often demand an apology for something you did. The trick is, she doesn't actually want you to apologise. It's a surreal female test to see if you're comfortable in your own skin. It's okay to apologise for something you really did wrong, such as filling her bath with ice and using it to store organs for a week while she was on holiday. But if she's pissed that you were eyeing a hot waitress, that's really her issue, not yours.

You can say sorry if you do it extremely sarcastically. 'I'm sooooo sooooo sowwwwwwy!' Think Father Jack:



23. Give her a nickname. Examples: "Champ." "Slaphead." "Big Mac." "Stinky." "Ice Queen."

24. Women are needy. Compliment them - within reason. If you're in a good mood, spoon them some sugar.

"Wow, I realised that I really enjoy talking to you. It's like talking to my favourite TV character... Murdoch from The A-Team."

"I'm impressed by how quickly you learned to use the CAD software."
 "Wow! That was about the eighth best blowjob I ever had."
25. Do the math. A quick internet image search for the words 'hot babe' shows that there are a practically infinite number of hot babes out there. A search for 'eligible bachelor' brings up a handful of actors with good hair (many of whom are married or secretly gay), some guys with mullets, and tons of pics of Prince Harry.

How many fun, interesting guys do you know? How many are comfortable around women? How many are not gay? How many of those are single? The number in your head right now is zero, or close to it. See? If you're a cool single guy, there's almost no competition. There are about three hundred totally hot single chicks to every fun, interesting single guy. That's hard math.

Conclusion: Scoring points with chicks is fun, but don't get carried away. Remember that you are choosing from a very large sea of hot girls, and she is choosing from a puddle of quality guys. As soon as she realises that you are fun and interesting and that while you like and respect her you could care less if it works out or not, she'll be chasing you.
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7 comments:

  1. Anonymous2:12 PM

    Not being able to apologize or to give a compliment does not show self-confidence; it is a sign of weakness.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Anonymous, thanks for your anonymous comment! I agree I'm a tremendously weak person, and would be much stronger if I gave in to every request every woman ever made to me.

    Good point!

    Although...
    Is it possible you didn't read the post? I thought I said it was okay to apologise in the right situation, and give compliments on your own terms.

    I'm confused!
    I know you wouldn't just write random stuff, but I can't quite match what you wrote to what I wrote.
    And I'm really trying.
    It makes me feel weak. :(

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous9:34 AM

    For the apologies:"It's a surreal female test to see if you're comfortable in your own skin"
    For the compliments: you are right, you wrote it was OK. I got carried away.

    All your tips seem to be about not giving in/showing too much to a girl because she will take advantage of you or smthg.

    The main tip that seems to summarize your philosophy is: "be a dick and she'll like you more, she'll even chase you". Well, good luck with that. But maybe I didn't understand correctly?

    ReplyDelete
  4. Apologies: "It's okay to apologise for something you really did wrong."

    It's right there in the post. Guys shouldn't apologise for everything they do. Their default setting should be 'don't apologise' and run the act through the 'have I gone too far' filter to see if it was something genuinely bad.

    Same goes for women, too, but that's not the purpose of this post.

    My main tip would be to read things on the internet not with a sense of burning indignation, but with an open mind. Who knows? Maybe even a humorous article could have some value.

    ReplyDelete
  5. Anonymous9:31 PM

    Yeah, okay. I was wrong. I just read it quickly and it reminded my of my friends who are really judgemental and interfering and I guess I thought you were being like that.

    But now that I've taken the time to actually read what you said, I take it all back. And, secretly, I agree with you about everything.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Cecile4:13 PM

    Hey! No! I didn't write that last comment. I wrote all the other ones, but not that one. I hate you, Andrew!

    ReplyDelete
  7. Andrew, you are a dick. Oh, and also you should apologize about the X-Men movie for how WRONG and RUDE you've been to me.

    ReplyDelete