I watched you come down the street. I thought, 'Gosh, she looks nice. I hope she comes in here so I can find true love.' And you did. You looked Scottish, but spoke Swiss-German. You had a fragile beauty. You ordered a Hawaiian pizza with EXTRA pineapple, and confirmed the order, stressed that you might not get enough pineapple. Pineapple on a pizza is a crime, and that's why I didn't flirt with you.
2. Cute Girl at Football
You turned up in the middle of our game, looking innocently cute. You had a tight shirt on. You looked at me and waited for me to tell you it was okay for you to play. I said it was okay for you to play. But I didn't flirt with you. Because you were 45 minutes late.
3. Girl at Gay Party
You were one of few girls at a gay guy's party. You said some interesting things, but when I said, 'Hey, come and play this fun game I just invented,' you said 'no'. So you kind of blew your one shot at finding happiness.
4. Hot Girl at Gay Party
You were a girl. You were hot. You live on a different continent. Anything more than 20 minutes away is too far. That's why I didn't flirt with you.
5. Girls Sitting on Chairs in Remote Corner of Party
You were some girls at a party. I'd been told you were single and looking. You sat in the corner the whole night, scrunching your breasts with your tight, cross-armed postures, pretending the rest of the party wasn't happening. I asked myself if I wanted to date a girl who would go to a party to meet a guy and then do whatever possible to prevent flirting from happening.
The answer was no. I don't want that.
Same deal as number 5. Seriously, try mingling.
You were well dressed. You had a ponytail. These are things in your favour. But you were wearing sunglasses. On a train. At night.
So for obvious reasons, I didn't flirt with you.