Friday, September 09, 2011

Arsenal and the Hat Shop

Fans of Arsenal Football Club will be dismayed to learn of a fresh crisis engulfing the club. After a poor start to the Premier League season, there was cautious optimism after they signed four players on transfer deadline day.

But now it seems the deals have not gone through. "We've been gazumped," lamented manager Arsene Wenger. "It seems a woman in a hat shop faxed over some registration forms, which were accepted by UEFA. She now controls the registrations of the players. Do not ask me more about the players. I can not tell you. We do not have them."

Confused fans were seen in the club shop trying to return replica kits they had bought. Bob Starling, 27, said, "I bought this Mertesacker shirt when the papers said we signed him. Only it seems he's gone to the hat shop instead. It's all a mess. How could this have happened?"

Alicia Simon, who runs the Arsenale hat shop in Seville, explained her transfer policy. "Mertesacker was available for 9 million Euros, which is a bargain for a player of his experience. Plus, at 198cm he can reach up to the high shelves and clean the tops of hats."

And the other signings?

"Arteta is Spanish, but he's learned English in his time at Everton, so we've brought him in to deal with tourists. We get lots of Asian women in, so we splashed out on Park Chu-Young. It's a risk, but we think he's got a lot of potential. We might loan him out to a Belgian hat shop for a year to let him get some experience. And the Israeli lad has been around. He's going to sell us a lot of hats, as long as he doesn't hurt his back tying the bows.

"We believe these signings are very positive for our brand."

Breaking news on this story can be found here.

1 comment:

  1. How did a hat shop owner get 9 million euros?