Recently I went to Barcelona for the first time and saw Messi score his 89th and 90th goal of 2012. Barcelona is nice but flawed, like a cake with raisins.
Here are some things they need to fix before I go back.
1. The Hostel
Our hostel was cheap and staffed by attractive young people. But it wasn't all bad - they had free wifi. I sent my chick some photos of cool graffiti I'd found, which, because the connection was a bit iffy, didn't get delivered right away.
She woke up and sent me some sweet WhatsApp messages along the lines of 'I miss you; Sunday mornings aren't the same without you'. The hostel wifi decided that THAT was a good time to send her this:
Don't ruin my relationships, please, Barcelona!
2. La Pubilla
We had lunch here and it was super delicious and the wine was perfect. However, the menus were in Catalan and they didn't have pizza. Also, the name sounds really vaginal.
This incorpora company, whatever it is, has a weird sense of humour.
'Down' with this sort of thing.
Charge a decent rate for your services, gays of Catalonia!
Look carefully. This is a dress. What the what?!
Flags add atmosphere to the Nou Camp, but it'd be more fun to make Messi play while carrying a flag. That'd make Barcelona's victories slightly less inevitable.
One of the worst things about leaving things unfinished is
8. Please Pay Here
They offer an interesting range of desserts, from gross blobs of hot chocolate to genuinely sublime cheesecake at 'Granja M Viader'. But what's this sign I found on my table? It says 'Please pay here at the table.' It annoyed me a lot. In my opinion, and I'm sure the internet will agree, it should say 'please pay here' OR 'please pay at the table'. There's no reason it should say both, except to mess with my head.
9. Wasted Opportunity
Look at this photo. It is the ceiling of Barcelona's fancy new airport. As you can see, it is bland. Why oh why oh why don't they beam Freddy Mercury and Montserrat Caballé onto it, 24 hours a day? When I go to Barcelona, I want to look at things and hear Freddy Mercury, so that looking at things becomes EPIC.
"The moment that you stepped into my airport you took my breath awa-ha-hay-ha-hay." Or something.
Barcelona, the ball's in your court now. Let me know when you've sorted it out.