Friday, November 08, 2013

Jentrification

Having a long-term (i.e. more than a month) girlfriend has changed me in many ways. Example: I spend much more time trying to appear comfortable in health food shops, and much less time dribbling ice cream into my belly button.

The lucky girl is called Jen, and thus the process of her changing me for better or for worse, accidentally or on purpose, is called Jentrification.

As an English teacher, I'm interested in how this process of change leads to change in my vocabulary. I've been recording any new words that I've created, and publish them here for the purpose of possible future patent applications.


Jentrification - a Dictionary

to jen (verb)
The act of looking the wrong way when crossing the road.

"God! That car nearly hit you! Why were you looking the wrong way?"
"Because I'm speaking English! Last time I spoke English I was in New Zealand and they drive on the left."


How Jen sees roads

Jenuary (noun) 
The month of Jen's birth.

"When's Jen's birthday?"
"I know that one! Jenuary. Easy."
"Which date?"
"Come on! You can't expect me to remember that. She's only had one birthday since I met her."

jentilation (noun) 
The act of letting minor annoyances build up over time so that they can be 'vented' in an explosive fury, normally while on holiday.

"Did you hear that woman raging at that guy last night?"
"Yeah, we're in the room next to them. Apparently he uses the fridge light to light the kitchen, holds the cheese grater the wrong way round, and recounts his bowel movements with linguistic relish not heard since Finnegan's Wake."
"Mother of god! He had it coming."

to see Jen Malkovich (verb
The process or ailment of thinking all male actors might be John Malkovich.

"Is that-?"
"No."

jeneration gap (noun
The age difference between Jen and her boyfriend, as calculated by Jen. 

"I was born in January. You were born in June. So I'm only two months older than you."
 
to jenstruate (verb)  
The act of turning into Annie Wilkes for seven days a lunar month.


What do you mean, there's no more chocolate?

"I'm your biggest fan." (Ten minutes later) "I don't CARE if you're about to complete Skyrim: I want you to tell me a STORY."

jenshamen (noun) 
Similar to the German word fremdschämen (meaning 'feeling ashamed on someone else's behalf') but the person you're ashamed for is your boyfriend. 

"Andrew, please don't introduce me to your friends as 'the chick I bang'."

jenocide (noun) 
The act of murdering your boyfriend after reading his latest blog.

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