Saturday, March 15, 2014

Speak Native English in Seconds

Learning English as a foreign language? Finding it hard?

STOP wasting time and money.

Improve your English in seconds by reading this short article!

Native speakers say 'literally' all the time, regardless of its true meaning. 

Say things like this:

(Having just dropped your ice cream)
"That is literally the worst thing that has ever happened to me."

(You were surprised by the ending of a movie.) 
"My brain literally exploded."

Note - the more uneducated and stupid you sound, the more native-like you'll seem.

Bad Adverbs Can Be Good
Bad adverbs seem like bad words. But native speakers use them for positive things.

"That pizza was ridiculously good." = very good

"Those Swedish yoga women are stupidly hot." = very attractive, or running a fever

Stupidly hot - perfect for porning

Native speakers abuse nouns like I abuse all-you-can-eat buffets. They take a noun and use it as a verb. This is very stupid, and very effective.

"I went Guinnessing after class." = I went to drink Guinness after class.

"Are you Bonding on Thursday?" = Are you going to see the new James Bond movie on Thursday?

Should Of
Only native speakers would mindlessly butcher the language of Milton, of Shakespeare, to this extreme. Don't write 'should of' in your First Certificate exam, but do use it on the sidestreets of Manchester or when giving expert analysis on a sports broadcast. You'll fit right in.

"He should of passed to Rooney."
"I wouldn't of asked you to come if I'd knowed you'd be porning in my spare room."

And That
Do you find yourself running out of vocabulary mid-sentence? Try using 'and that' - it's the spoken equivalent of 'et cetera', but even easier to use.

* Instead of:
"This weekend I intend to go to the shops, partly to indulge in window shopping, partly to scout for discounts on goods and comestibles."

You can say:
"I'm going shopping and that."

* Instead of:
"The reason you have to say 'waking' in that sentence is because the preceding 'to' functions as a preposition."

You can say:
"It's just grammar and that."


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