Andrew Saves the Day

1pm

"Andrew, can you come to the shop? We're knocking down these walls and need your help. The guy with the grab-truck is coming at 2 and we won't get finished in time. If we don't get it done in time he'll leave."
"No problem, Steve, you've seen me at work, you know I'm a grafter. I'll be knocking walls down like there's no tomorrow."


1.50pm

"Steve, panic over, I'm here. Do you want me to shovel those bricks into the wheelbarrow?"
"Hahaha, don't be silly, lad. I wouldn't ask you to do hard work. That would be crazy. Look, the guy with the grabber is here. I need you to do him a coffee and keep him chatting while we get this wall finished. Go and talk crap to him for about ten minutes."
"You brought me here to stop the guy doing his job?"
"That's what you're good at."


2pm

"Heya mate. I've done you a coffee."
"Oh, lovely!"
"So what do you think about the pedestrianisation of Norwich City Centre?"
.

Van Morrison

John gave me his Van Morrison ticket and a quick lesson in what to expect:

“He’s promoting his country album so there won’t be any trumpet or sax, and he won’t play his classics. But if he’s in the mood it’ll be a great show.”

“What if he’s not in the mood?”

“If he’s not in the mood, or he doesn’t feel the audience are into it… he might walk off. Or turn his back on the audience and sing like that.”

“Cool!”

“But he hasn’t done that for years. Here’s some things to watch out for. He’ll give a little nod or just look at someone in the band and they’ll go off on a solo, or you’ll see him pump his fist and they’ll play faster. He’s so talented he can hear all the instruments, so if he hears a mistake he’ll give them a dirty look. Then sometimes he’ll pick up on the mood of the audience, and he’ll bring the band down really really quiet… and keep it there… and just at the right moment… up! They’ll go loud again. His timing is really perfect. But you won’t get that tonight – it’ll just be some country stuff. About 50% of it is good.”

The show was, simply, 100% good. Or a word that means better than good. Superb, perhaps.

My seat was about five metres directly in front of Van Morrison. He treated me to the full range of tricks – little nods, hand signals, playing really quietly, everything John had told me about! And, if I weren’t spoiled enough, he sang Brown Eyed Girl, Gloria, Days Like This, and my favourite, Moondance.

Mr. Van Morrison, ladies and gentlemen!

Proudly Prodigious

Watching a Movie with Susan in Amsterdam

Susan and I went to see Pride and Prejudice, starring Keira Knightley. As the title faded off the screen, Susan asked, “What does prodigious mean?” “Er… well prejudice means judging someone by looking at them.”

Fight Club

I joined an underground boxing club. I've never even thrown a punch before, but my dastardly cousin Steve decided to skip basic training so that he could punch me in the face. The comic is 100% true and factual. Only the mustaches have been changed.

Click on the left to see a bigger version, then zoom in to read the words easier (zoom by clicking on it again). My thanks to Rick for drawing it.

The Early Bird Catches the Towel

The Early Bird Catches the Towel


The cockroaches slept; I could not. I tried Chinese medicine, and bought a hot water bottle, but I didn’t have a decent night’s sleep until I bought a space heater. By then it was nearly spring. I wish I’d bought it three months earlier – Susan might have slept with me then. That’s how cold it was.