Thursday, December 05, 2013

Jentrification part 2

In this series, I log and explain new words which are springing up in the English language because of my relationship with a Swiss girl called Jen.

Don't worry, she has read it all and heartily approves. She has even liked this post on Facebook (or she will next time she leaves her phone unlocked).

Jentrification - the Dictionary, part 2

Jentry Level (noun)
Shelves which are low enough for Jen to reach.

"Andrew, can you get that paprika for me?"
"Sigh. Why do you insist on putting it up there where you can't reach? Put it at jentry level."
"The spices go on the spice rack. No matter how impractical that may be."

Jen Dobry (noun)
From the Polish greeting 'dzieƄ dobry' - literally the act of Andrew suggesting a Polish girl - usually Joanna Krupa - should be added to what he calls 'romp-time'. Typically followed by a 'jenial.'

Hydrojen (noun)
The drool excreted by Jen while napping on Andrew's sofa.

Jenesis (noun)
Variously: Jen's birthplace or sister.

Pathojen (noun)
An infection enthusiastically hosted by Jen, which she attempts to spread by sneezing on people, using their pillow, sleeping on their side of the bed, and reducing their immune system with infusions of tofu.

Pidjen English (noun)
Near-English structures used by Jen, usually when tired. Normally involving conditional sentences or words which should be real (in her opinion) but aren't.

Jengoism (noun)
An adorable belief system through the prism of which anything Swiss is superior.

Jenlightenment (noun)
A significant time in human history of great intellectual accomplishment, as Jen realises that she has been wrong all along and acknowledges the truth that she had previously rejected.

"Hmm... tea is better with milk in."
"Hmm... mint sauce does make these potatoes more fun."
"Hmm... okay, so that isn't John Malkovich."
"Hmm... so I was wrong to get mad about the Jen dictionary. I now freely admit that it is sweet and charming and you can write on your blog that I said that."


Sunday, December 01, 2013

Asterix and the Great Crossing: Latin Jokes Explained

A bigger, better version of this article now appears on my new Asterix site - click the white link just above this article. The one that says 'Everything Asterix'.

I understand it's annoying to be directed here and have to go there, but I promise it's worth it.

The new site is extremely beautiful, by the way. It's probably going to win an award and be preserved by UNESCO.

The difference between this cramped, stuffy blog and that luxury site is the same as when you sell your one-bedroom flat in London and buy a six-bedroom villa anywhere else in the country. The furniture is better, the air is clearer, and you can stroll around your garden smelling flowers and sighing contentedly.