Faster Pasta - a review

Restaurants come in all shapes and surprises, especially in Taipei where owners retain a healthy hatred of all customers. Faster Pasta adds a delectable twist - uncooked meat in the bolognese.

I spoke to 49-year old Michael Chen, the forward-thinking entrepreneur who believes his idea will transform the way we eat. "When I opened the restaurant we made a lot of money, but I wanted to make more money so I could go to Vegas and pay to urinate on blonde women. I watched customers come in to my restaurant and was dismayed by the inefficiency. They sat down, they took time to choose their food, it took time to cook the food, and after their meal they sat around for ages without giving me any more money. It was intolerable. I suddenly realised that I could solve all three problems by reducing the menu to two items; spaghetti or spaghetti with raw meat. I stood up in the dining area where I'd been masquerading as a customer and shouted 'Stop cooking the meat!' Since then we give them the cold meat. When people finish that they clear out real quick because I blocked off the toilets. They gotta go someplace else to do their shit. Business is booming, I gotta tell you."

Did he go to Vegas?
"Sure I did."
And did he urinate on the women?
"Dude, finding a girl who'll let you do that is as easy as writing a check for 400 bucks."
And...?
"No, I didn't. Couldn't do it in the end. I can't go if someone's watching. She was pretty disappointed."

Faster Pasta
Taipei City, 565 Zhongshan North Road, 212-715-2400
Lunch, Monday through Saturday 11:30 a.m. to 2:00 p.m.; dinner, 5 to 10 p.m. daily.
Spaghetti, $20–$25; with meat, $35–$40. A.E., M.C., V.