Tuesday, November 06, 2007

English Rose vs French Femme Fatale

Part two of an extensive investigation into English attitudes towards France and the French.


My research into the differences between English and French women took to me Hleb Industrial Park in Devon, home of the National Stereotypes Union. "Tell me what to think," I said to a deskwoman. She picked up a leaflet, licked it erotically, and handed it to me.

It was a simple questionnaire, which I reprint here in part.


Anglo-Frenchal Female Characteristics Binary, version 2

1)
You are hungry. There is an orange. How do you eat it?
a) Peel it first.
b) Leave the peel on and eat it like an apple.

2)
Complete the sentence. "You can never have too many..."
a) condiments.
b) boyfriends.

3)
wipe; stress; montage; blasphemy; pompous
Which word is the odd one out?
a) pompous
b) stress

4)
Carrying your cat to the park is
a) vaguely sociopathic.
b) probably something the cat would enjoy.


5)
Does the word 'artichoke' make you think about sex?
a) Yes.
b) No.

6)
"Men seldom make passes..."
a) at girls who wear glasses.
b) at girls with fat asses.

7)
When you were a girl, you wanted to be...
a) the Queen of France.
b) the Queen of England.


The test continues for three pages, and ends with:

If you chose mostly (a) you are English.
If you chose mostly (b) you are French.
If you chose an (a) and (b) equally, you are bad at maths. There are 31 questions. Think about it.


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