Wednesday, March 16, 2011
The World's Worst Dating Advice?
Women are like video games. If a man presses her 'forward' button, then the left, then lets his thumb sweep round the joypad while pressing the A button, his girlfriend will then produce a giant blue fireball. This will score the boyfriend as many as five hundred points.
That's why this guide is so useful - it shows exactly how to keep the love and romance in a relationship. If you do three things a day, your relationship is sure to prosper.
Assuming you are too busy and important to click on links, here are some highlights:
1. Upon returning home, find her first before doing anything else and give her a hug. [Even if you really need the toilet or if she's napping and hugging her will wake her up.]
3. Practice listening and asking questions. [Mirrors can be useful for this.]
10. Validate her feelings when she is upset. [Validating a temper tantrum is definitely the right thing to do.]
18. Offer to build a fire in the wintertime [Useful if your girlfriend lives in 1950.]
22. When going out, ask if there is anything she wants you to pick up at the store, and remember to pick it up. [It's not enough to just ask. You have to remember to get the stuff!]
24. Give her four hugs a day. [Never three; never five.]
29. Notice when the trash is full and offer to empty it. [And prove that romance isn't dead.]
34. Take her side when she is upset with someone. [Especially if that someone is you.]
57. Notice how she is feeling and comment on it, e.g., "You look happy today" or "You look tired", and then ask a question like "How was your day?" [Women love being told they look tired.]
60. Surprise her with a love note or poem. [But don't leave a post-it note on the keyboard of her laptop or she'll freak out. I know.]
68. Write out neatly any phone messages you make or take for her. [Many relationships have been ended by poorly written messages.]
89. Create special time to be alone together. [Time machines are handy for creating time. Also, starships with warp drives.]
99. Eat lightly on romantic occasions so that you don't become stuffed and tired later. [When she asks why you aren't eating, tell her it's because you are looking forward to some sexy time later. Do your best Borat voice.]