Tuesday, April 19, 2011

A Trillion and One Ways to Score Chicks (part two)

1,000,000,000,001 Ways to Score Chicks (part two)

The first ten tips can be found here.

11. Creep her out from time to time.  "Can I have a bit of your hair? I can't tell you why."  Or send her a text message: I CAN SEE YOU.  Women are not attracted to predictable men.

12. Say things to her that girls normally say to guys.  "You're not getting any sex tonight."   "Do that again and it's no sex for a week."  "Does this shirt make me look fat?"   "Is he more handsome than me?"  "Hey! I have a brain. Stop treating me like a sex object."  Think about it - if you've already said it, she can't say it to you.  Take away her weapons and mess with her head in one simple, easy-to-master concept.

13. When a girl makes a mistake, very patiently and kindly point it out.  Then, even more patiently and more kindly, start teaching her basic things that she's sure to already know.   For example, she's written something and put 'their' instead of 'they're'.  Hey, it happens.

Andrew: "Ah, you've put their there instead of they're. See?"Girl: "Oops, typo. Thanks!"Andrew: "They're is short for they are."Girl: "Yes."Andrew: "Their is possessive."Girl: "I know, I..."Andrew: "That thing there is called an apostrophe."Girl: "Okay! I know! It was a typo!"

14. If you want to date foreign chicks, don't bother learning their whole language.  She speaks English, right?   If she doesn't, your relationship is merely feral, so just learn a few adaptable phrases.   You're going to pick up some nouns anyway without even trying; learn a few basic structures and change the endings.

Case Study - French
Hello Anais, mon petit champignon.   (my little mushroom)
Hello Helene, mon petit chou-fleur.   (my little cauliflower)
Hello Delphine, mon petit lune de miel.  (my little honeymoon)

It's also charming to vandalise their language.

German: Was ist der clock? (What time is it?) Mein gott in himmel!  Ich bin ein delayer! (Oh, no, I'm late!)
French: J'suis mange le fromage (I'm eating some cheese). Le fromage c'est fin de siècle. (The cheese is decadent.)

And make terrible jokes:
Andrew: "What do you call a French rock star?"
Cecile: "I don't know. Tell me."
Andrew: "Jon Bonjour-vi."
Cecile: [perplexed] "How is that related to the conversation we're having?"

15. Hold back a couple of bits of info about yourself.  Be vague and evasive.  Try hiding your age.  Make sure you've deleted it from Facebook.  Why does she need to know, anyway?   Not telling a girl your age will intrigue and annoy her.  This is a good thing.  String her along for a few months.  If you feel like you've annoyed her enough already, wait till she asks something else so that when you tell her, you maintain her level of obsession with you.

Girl: Have you ever been in love?
Andrew: Well, I can answer that, or I can tell you how old I am.
Girl: [torn] Um... your age.
Andrew: I'm X.
Girl: Uh, okay. [Is now obsessed with the love question.]

Link to Part One      Link to Part Three      Link to Part Four

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